welcome guest
login or register

20th of April 2014


Your life is beautiful :D

One question: Why are you programmer? It seems that you love nature more than computers.
Is programming fun for you? Or you program only for money? I tried to program(I am 14) it's easy to learn(for me) but I find it boring.. I don't know why.. I tought that I will be programmer but I don't want to learn anything.. I don't know why it's boring for me.. and I am sad..
Sorry for my english :-)

Your english is fine, no problem =)

I was about 12 years old when we got our first computer - it was Commodore 64, and it was the early years of home computers. At first we played games with my brothers, but quickly went to learning to program. It felt like a brand new universe to be discovered, learning how to make things happen on computer screen. And sure it was fun. Later on when PC-computers became more popular, I learned some pascal and C and 8086 assembly language. It was still fun, as technology was developing, and it was interesting to learn to master all the new possibilites. And it was around these times when Sami started UnReal World, and we had several other projects, too. For me it was just one hobby among the others, something nice and interesting to do. And I greatly enjoyed working together with Sami, so there was a social aspect too.

In my adult life I never tought of myself as a programmer, I went on doing other things, and hardly touched a compiler for years. But since URW is such a great project, and Sami is one of my best friends, I've been helping him with coding some pieces - once again just for the fun of it.

Now, living in the countryside, I'm more and more beginning to feel that I'd like to do more programming. Yup, you are right - it is totally different than being out in nature. But it is something I can do at home - no need to drive a car to get somewhere to earn money. My friend runs a mill, and they need custom software. So for past couple of years I've been developing for them, which has been a combination of fun and earning money. Which also makes me feel that I should do less massage and have more time to program for the mill and for Sami.

Right now when I'm typing this, I only need to look out of window to see my horses. Whenever I need a break from coding, I can just stand up and go outdoors and find myself surrounded by nature. With massage it is always more tied to pre-arranged timetables; customers make reservations, and I book times for them. Then, if I wake up in the morning and see that it will be a warm sunny day I can't just call the customers and cancel their times (or, maybe I could, but that way I'd soon run out of customers, I guess...) But more coding would also mean more freedom to schedule my days as I wish.

Oh, here I'm kind of a thinking aloud - but that's partly because I've been thinking about this for a year or two. And now I finally feel confident about reducing massage and going more into programming.

Well, all in all - I believe that most of the time it is good to follow ones inner feeling. But of course it is hard if nothing feels interesting - then that sounds more like symptoms of depression or existential emptiness. Which, I belive, is pretty common for modern people. If so, then I'd guess that the best thing to do is to allow oneself to experiment with different things, maybe travelling, trying different arts and hobbies etc. You never know if the treasure is hidden behind a corner - you just have to go out exploring =)

ps. In that picture, as I'm waiting for the water to boil, and listening to birds singing, I'm also lazily thinking about URW quest system. Planning data structures. And that is what I love in programming - it is such a work which feels pretty easy to combine with my way of living.

Haha, talking with myself =)

So, Erkka, listen: It is that I don't identify myself as "a programmer". I never quite had an identity with a certain profession. I'm just a guy living in the woods, and I like to learn different skills, doing different things. I studied at The University, and I know how to read and to write academic text, I know how to grind seeds to flour, I can trim horse hooves, I can fill applications and reports, I know some accounting, I'm qualified as a massage therapist and I can ease muscular pain, I have some simple skills in renovating and building - and I've been doing many of these things to earn money, and I like all of them no problem. But seldom in my life I've been working as an employee for a longer period - I love my freedom and want to be self-employed, combining different skills to earn me colorful and nice living =)

Haha, talking with myself =) What?
I wasn't here.. thank you for fast reply and great info.. you motivated me.. and about depression.. I think that I will visit doctor.(PSycho-somtehing) maybe it's really this. and I have all symptoms..

Ohh your time is 22:34..
In our country it's 21:34.

It is just my questionalbe sense of humour =) It sometimes happens with me that after I write something, more thoughts stream into my mind and go to comment my own writings. Just for the fun of it, I imagined it as with having a conversation with myself - first Erkka says something, then Erkka replies and so on...

I was something like 17 or 18 when I first tried to consult a doctor about my emotional ill-being. But I didn't quite know how to represent myself, and they didn't know the right questions to ask me, and I felt all of it rather frustrating... Only later on, after I had studied philosophy and psychology at the university, and many of my friends telling me that I should seek professional help, I finally dared to go meet a doctor again. And with more experience I was better able to talk in such a way that they understood my needs, and we got the process started. Later on I was extremely lucky to meet some very talented professionals who have been of great help.

For me it was a long path, and sometimes it felt that nothing is going to help. I tried medication, as some of my friends said it had helped them. But I only felt more confused. Still I believe that for a certain period of time anti-depressant medication was good for me - they alone didn't solve anything, but they gave me the little extra boost to keep me motivated to go to therapy.

Generally speaking, I think that visiting a doctor is a good idea. Sometimes it might be that one has to meet two or three professionals until finding one who is really able to understand and to offer good help. But the important step is to go out looking, asking and seeking.

I don't know if you have browsed through the blog, but there are several entries dealing with depression and the process of recovery. When I have time and energy for that, I'll build some sort of filtering system which will make it easier to filter the blog entries according to tags or topics. ToDo, ToDo =)

You really like writing :D And I like reading..
Wow.. you are great man. You are my idol(not gay)
you're handy, have cool beard :D, live in Finland, like animals, programmer, Have family, Good school, House of my dreams.. but I don't know all about you. But I like you and your life.
Tommorow I will like half of your blog.. I want to read entire your blog because I like it.

**Tommorow I will read half of your blog

If I remember correctly, the first blog entry about depression was this: http://www.enormouselk.com/?q=erkkasblog/drinking-coffee-tree&page=3#

I am showing up late here. But would like to mention something regarding depression which didn't come up. Your diet. I've had a difficult life and depression has been a big part of it. I've tried taking pills.. just made it worse and who knows what you're putting in your body. I have found that eating right helps the most, along with being active and out in nature. There have been studies showing people in the cities are more prone to stress and depression.. illness, five minutes in nature can feel like hours and hours of therapy. Eat good, do stuff that makes you happy, be with people who make you happy, get out doors away from civilization a bit, and you will be a happier person in general. Simple as that. Two thumbs up!

Sure - I've also been growing more sensitive to the mental / emotional effects of diet. And generally spekaing, according to new scientific studies, it actually seems that the digestive system and bacterial fauna inside the gut are playing a big role in regulating our emotional balance.

But I haven't been writing that much about this topic, as I think that there are other writers out there who are more educated about these things. Personally I've been going more and more to simple diet - food cooked on local raw materials etc. But then, I also feel that constant overdose of sugars and carbohydrates is not good, not even if they are all locally and organically grown. So, nowadays I eat less potatoes and wheat, not because some theory says so, but because that's how I feel when I listen to my bodily sensations and intuitions =)

Yes there are some things that just are not good to eat all the time. Even if locally and organically grown / produced. Trying to follow this theory, or some doctor's website etc.. isn't the answer. Yes some good information can be had that way, but in the end you are right, listen to your body. Pay attention. Not just for 2 minutes after eating. It is a long process.

And yes! It is scary how much bacteria may be controlling us! All the more reason to feed yourself, and them, good foods. I just learned this recently myself. Freaks me out! There is our god... in our stomach! haha


Add new comment

Please reply with a single word.
Fill in the blank.