It is 11pm, I sit on front of my house, leaning my back against the door, slowly sipping a beer. The moon in its waxing gibbonous hangs above the treetops to the south. The oak in my yard forms a barely visible silhouette against the moonlight. All I can hear is an occasional call of a bird, and my horses chewing a bale of hay. The autumn air is crisp and clean, there is a faint odour of everything ripe and full. And, for this and that reasons, I find myself thinking about success.

What does it mean to success in life? Is it to make a good career? To become a famous artist, or to gain publicity and respect in some other area like science or journalism? Well, I'd guess different people and different traditions have their own views and values about success. For me, 'success' has always been mostly about fulfilling ones inner calling. To feel whole and complete in some fundamental sense. I remember back in the school years, when I told a teacher that I'm not so interested in getting good grades - for I'm mostly concerned with inner peace and happiness. The teacher cynically responded that there is no such thing as happiness. In my mind I thought that I don't want to become an adult like that =) So, what did I want, then?

I dreamed about a small house in the woods, where there won't be a constant man-made background noise. Where it will be naturally dark in the night, not too much artificial lights. Where it won't be so crowded, where the forest is near and where the air is fresh. I dreamed about finding inner peace - to soothe my inner pain and angst, not being torn by constant dilemmas, not to struggle with seemingly unresolvable contradictions. To be free to learn arts and crafts. Not being a mere consumer buying ready-made goods, but being physically involved in the bare basics of living. Maybe to have a small family. Or even a small loose group of like-minded people to socialize with.

Oh well. As I came indoors to write this, I checked the internet and it says that in Finland people at my age and with my level of education, on average they earn four times more than I do. But I don't care, as at the moment I don't want to be anywhere else. Just to lean my back against my front door, watching the moon hiding behind the branches of the oak, listening to the silence of the autumn night, it feels like success in life. This is the world the teacher told me doesn't exists.