I remember reading a book by a Swedish author Ann Heberlein. She suffers a bi-polar disorder, and describes the depressive period feeling like a falcon sat on her chest, pecking her hearth and ripping it off piece by piece with it's beak. That's some pretty damn physical pain! (At that passage Heberlein was argumenting against some thinkers who've said that mental diseases are mere cultural constructions, defined by what the culture considers 'normal' or 'abnormal'. Heberlein's point was that this kind of pain hurts, no matter what kind of concepts one uses to desribe the pain.)

Oh well =) Personally, I see this blog post as a part of a continuum which started with my early posts about Finnish lyrics-writer and singer Mariska. At first it was hearing some radio interviews, where Mariska happened to say some personal things which made such an impact on me - in the very sense of 'wow, so good to hear someone else describe about the same kind of vague yet deeply personal things I've also been going through but I just never learnt to share with anyone'. Some of the posts I wrote literally made me shiver with fear, but I posted them anyway. And nowadays there is no more fear - also, there wasn't an inner urge to get this story told - I rather just consciously decided to share the story, as I had a feeling that reading this kind of personal story might have an encouraging effect on someone out there reading (bit like the effect hearing Mariska's interview once had on me).

Hehe, yes, making my plans on how to take better care of myself =)

Oh, and I wish you fresh winds on the mountain slopes, little birds chirping in the bushes, and all those subtle little things which might help to melt away buried feelings of sadness!