I grew up in the countryside, and only spent some five years living in a city. So I for me my current situation doesn't feel like such a dramatic change in lifestyle. OK, most of my neighbours here in the countryside sure are leading more modern way of life, but they don't look down at me.

Well, but all in all, it has been a long process of recovery. Moving to countryside didn't immediately make me feel better. But, for me one essential root of depression was this feeling of being disconnected from my own life - the feeling that things go and I don't have control of them, all the dreams and wishes inside me just don't make any contact with my surroundings, so there is nothing left to do but just to forget my inner soul and do what the mainstream society wants me to do - slowly struggling my way towards practical life, where I'm actually doing things I love, has been one driving force in the process of recovery. Every berry picked, every fish caught, every night by small campfire tells me that "here I am, this is my life, I'm alive and free to be who I really am." And then it of course helps a lot when some of my good friends come for a visit, or I go see them.

Yes - for me it is a process. Again, this morning I woke up feeling bad in some eerie way. Without any reason, without any shape and form, just an unreal feeling of inner emptiness. So familiar - I didn't panic, just spent a slow hour drinking morning coffee and then headed to the nearby city to see my son and my friends. They day slowly and smoothly made me feel better again. And I remind myself that this is how it goes - if the first 25 years of my life were somewhat traumatic, the best thing I can do is to allow myself to take all the time it needs to recover properly...

(And to put it more clear: Nowadays I couldn't imagine moving into a city. Too much noise, too many flashing lights, too much straight lines and sharp edges. Oh I love it here where natural sounds sing a lullaby.)