Thanks for the response, I apologize for the random comment. I didn't mean to throw my problems out there - just wanted your take on things since I've been an anonymous reader for such a long time. Usually when I'm getting hit with tear gas or digging holes, I start to think about how stupid everything is and how I'd much rather be in the woods doing my own thing like you're doing.

Like the ancient Taoists, if the US was actively engaged in a war, I would be happy to serve my country in a meaningful way. But we're not and my pain is self-chosen,so I'm planning on traveling to some foreign country and just be around people who totally do not regret living for a few months after I make my escape. Whatever oppurtunity arises first, I will take it. All legally, of course. Deserting is one of the worst things I can do.

I'm choosing not to break my family ties, as much I need isolation 90% of the time. I'll have to face them eventually, whether I make the right decision or wrong decision. I wish I could. I tried it by doing the whole military thing but it exposed my weaknesses more than my strengths.

I appreciate the advice, it's refreshing to hear something other than 'do this, do that'.