It is true that we can never know if we have reached the ultimate truth. We would have to be one of the top elites in the world, and even then have many many questions. So to be in a state of question and awareness is, for me, the best answer. I only started learning any real truth about the world until nearly 30 years old. Before that I spent my time messed up on drugs and booze, trying to subtly end it all.

At around 11 years old I went to a christian summer camp for a week or so. My mother forced me... I think it was the last night there, they made everyone attend this service in the camp chapel. Out of nowhere I broke down and started to cry with this overwhelming feeling of being loved and being part of something, accepted. At the time I thought it was god and I started to actually believe in god, started to consider myself christian.

The next year, I came home from school to find my house on fire (lucky to be alive actually), I thought my mother was home. She wasn't (to be honest, I would have been better off if she was in the fire, so I can relate to your childhood pain in some ways). But we did lose everything including two dogs and a cat. I recall sitting in the ambulance watching my stuff get thrown out my bedroom window so there was less fuel for the fire. It took 30 firemen like 6 hours to put it out. Big house full of crap my mother collected... Anyways, that turned me away from being christian.

Point is though, in my 20's, I thought back to that christian camp and realized I wasn't crying for god. I was crying because I was away from my abusive mother, I felt free and with people who at least pretended to actually care about me and took care of me. That realization helped me continue on the path of understanding life my own way. Not some religious way. For me, the religions don't make sense, I understand them as the crowd control that they are.

I posted a bunch of comments yesterday, don't feel you need to respond to each of them haha I don't intend that to happen.

I just put Once Upon A Time in The West into google translator and got Huuliharppukostaja. I put that back into google translator to get back to english but it just gave me Huuliharppukostaja again haha