I actually brought this book with me out to a 2 week long field op and ended up throwing it into the sand in anger. For me, an infantry grunt whose sole purpose is to absolutely hate everything and suffer in misery for 4 years... being told to just suck it up and deal with it made me unreasonably angry for some reason. I'm a human being and there are plenty of other countries out there where I can enjoy a much better life. Free of frustration, pointless training, pointless policies, and absolute hate for anything that isn't food, sleep, or alcohol.

I can feel and hear the bones in my knees scrape the cartilage away. The back pain and the tinnitus are just another reminder that I totally _regret_ this decision in life. I call my friends my family and all they say in response my struggle is that everyone is so proud of me and that it's only 3 more years.

In the end, it is my contract and I made the decision, but I'm absolutely tired of suffering for it. I'm tired of using alcohol and tobacco to cope. I'm tired of watching miserable zombies joke about suicide daily but feel helpless when I see it actually happen with my own eyes.

Fuck tao, fuck being passive, no one deserves to sit by and let this happen to them. I could get out of this hell, but the effect it would have on my undyingly nationalistic family would be isolating.